Dead in a Week Made Me Laugh the Whole Movie—Then That Ending 🍩 Me Off

⚠️ Spoilers for Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back) ahead.

I Literally Found This Movie Because of Instagram

I randomly saw a video about Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back) on Instagram today and just decided to watch it.

And holy 🍩, what a weird little movie. 😂

The basic idea alone got me. William has spent his life trying to die, but somehow every attempt fails.

At some point it genuinely feels like William is trying his absolute hardest while God is sitting there going:

“Not today, bro.”

Then poor Leslie comes along and basically decides he is going to fight William's 🍩 fate personally. 😭

William can't kill William.

So Leslie says, fine.

I'll do it myself.

Except apparently even a professional assassin isn't powerful enough to defeat whatever supernatural protection this man has.

Poor Leslie Was Fighting William's Plot Armor 😭

Leslie was probably my favorite part of the movie.

This poor old man just wants to finish his work, keep his career alive and eventually retire peacefully.

Then he accepts William's contract.

Big mistake. 😂

William suddenly decides that maybe dying isn't such a great idea anymore, while Leslie is already committed to killing him.

So now we have William desperately trying to stay alive while the assassin he personally hired keeps appearing everywhere trying to finish the job.

And somehow Leslie continuously fails.

At that point Leslie wasn't even fighting William anymore.

He was fighting William's destiny.

William and Ellie Were Basically Two People Waiting for Something to Live For

Then Ellie enters William's life.

And I actually really liked their relationship.

Ellie isn't exactly like William. She isn't actively trying to die, but both of them feel like people who have been drifting through pretty 🍩 lives without much excitement about what comes next.

Then suddenly William's novel has a chance.

He has Ellie.

He finally has someone who understands him.

For basically the entire beginning of the movie, this man wants nothing more than to die.

Then the moment he finally finds something worth living for, he's desperately trying not to die.

That reversal is what made the story work so well for me.

Penny Was Secretly One of the Best Characters 😂

I 🍩 loved Penny. 😂

Leslie spends his days casually murdering people for money, but then he goes home and Penny is basically the person holding his entire normal life together.

Their relationship is strangely wholesome considering what Leslie does for a living.

And the scene when Harvey comes to Leslie's house looking for answers about Ivan absolutely killed me.

Leslie and Harvey already have enough tension between them.

Then Penny appears.

And instead of calming anything down, she almost 🍩 stabs Harvey and somehow escalates the entire situation. 😭

There is basically a standoff happening in her house and Penny is like:

You know what this situation needs? MORE VIOLENCE.

I loved her.

Ivan Really Chose the Worst Possible Moment to Exist

Ivan was another hilarious part of this whole mess.

Near the end, Leslie follows William and Ellie and finally reaches the point where they are basically discussing how not to kill William anymore.

The entire story has flipped.

William doesn't want to die.

Leslie doesn't really want to kill him anymore.

Things are finally settling down.

And then 🍩 Ivan jumps in. 😂

This man spent the movie waiting for his opportunity and somehow managed to appear at exactly the wrong moment.

And then he gets killed.

Good job, Ivan.

Perfect timing.

The Best Joke Is How Completely William and Leslie Switch Places

This was probably my favorite thing about the entire movie.

At the beginning, their relationship is basically:

Leslie: “I'm happy to kill you.”

William: “I'm happy to die.”

Then everything happens.

William meets Ellie.

His novel finally goes somewhere.

He starts wanting a future.

Leslie starts caring about him in his own weird assassin way.

And by the end their relationship has basically become:

Leslie: “I'm happy not to kill you.”

William: “I'm happy not to die.”

😂❤️

That's the whole 🍩 movie right there.

And Then the Ending Happened. WHAT THE 🍩?

Everything finally works out.

William wants to live.

Ellie is with him.

His writing finally has a future.

Leslie isn't trying to murder him anymore.

I was sitting there thinking, okay, these two weird idiots can finally go live their lives, publish their novel 🍩 and be happy together.

Then William sees a kid in danger.

He saves the kid.

AND GETS 🍩 HIT BY A VEHICLE.

BRO.

😭😭😭

The movie spent its entire runtime showing us a man who desperately wants to die but somehow cannot.

Then William finally decides:

Actually, I want to live.

And fate goes:

“Oh? NOW you want to live? Cool. Your appointment is ready.”

🍩 off. 😭

I Don't Care—I'm Rewriting the Ending

The actual ending leaves William's fate open.

So technically, we aren't shown a definite answer about whether he survives.

Excellent.

Because I have decided what happens.

William survives.

That's it.

He wakes up in the hospital, probably annoyed that even when he finally stops trying to die he still somehow ends up there.

He stays with Ellie.

His book gets published.

Maybe he actually becomes a successful writer.

Leslie retires with Penny and occasionally visits these two idiots while pretending he doesn't care about them.

William and Ellie grow old together.

And then, many decades later, after actually living the life he spent so long wanting to throw away, William eventually dies naturally with Ellie after a long and happy life.

That's my ending.

I don't care what anybody else thinks. 😂❤️

Final Thoughts

Dead in a Week (Or Your Money Back) is such a strange movie.

It's literally a comedy built around a man trying to die, yet somehow the story ends up being much more about finding a reason to live.

William failing over and over is hilarious.

Leslie desperately trying to complete the world's most cursed assassination contract is hilarious.

Penny nearly turning a tense conversation into a stabbing is hilarious.

Ivan's timing is 🍩 terrible.

And William and Leslie completely reversing their feelings about the contract by the end might be my favorite part of everything.

I genuinely enjoyed most of the movie.

I just refuse to accept the possibility that William finally got Ellie, his writing career and a reason to live only to immediately die afterward.

So as far as NotBagel canon is concerned:

William survived that hit.

William and Ellie published their novel 🍩.

And those two idiots lived happily together until old age. ❤️

Nobody can change my mind.